Y’all. This is real life. Motherhood is a redundant, repetitive, exhausting, messy, sticky, smelly, frustrating, shitshow. If you can’t admit that, then we can’t be friends.
Today, I had my foot peed on, and got poop, from my tiny human, on my hand.. twice.
I had to shower with a tiny human on my leg.
Today, I had a child miss the bus. Which lead to rushing thought breakfast with a toddler- which is not possible- to get out the door, in the rain, to get the kid to school in time.
Today, I had a barnacle on my leg that had such a death grip on my yoga pants I got a hole as I tried to pry from his grip to leave him at the gym daycare while I lift for an hour. THEN when I go to pick him up he’d rather stay and play longer. There is no winning here.
Today, I realilzed AFTER the gym, and AFTER being in public more than once, that I had my pants on inside out. All day.
Today, I broke up a fight between my teen and my pre-teen about french fries. Then had to discuss with the eldest her need to be nicer to her brother, regardless of how ‘annoying’ he can be. Followed by repremanding the pre-teen for his behavior when I stopped the argument. Which lead to the standard pre-teen slamming of doors, rolling of eyes – I swear he could see his brain- and stomping off. FRENCH. FRIES. THIS IS REAL LIFE.
Today, I found dirty, smelly socks from a smelly pre-teen athlete in the following places: Between the couch cushions, the kitchen pantry, the guest bathroom floor, behind the toilet, on the barstool, in the toybox, and in the dog dish.
Today, I had to hold a toddler during a haircut because clearly the third time getting a haircut is TERRIFYING. Unlike the first two.
Today, I got to clean mashed potatoes out of the cracks and crevices of the various Paw Patrol characters.
Today, I got to clean soda cans, empty glasses and food wrappers out of a 16 year old’s room.
Today, I got to sit and watch a loop of nursery rhymes before bedtime in order to make my tiny human happy.
Today I had to bribe my child into a booster chair to strap him in to eat, just so he wasn’t running through the house getting cheese or meat or sticky food juices all over my house… twice. I call this workout’s two and three.
These are all actual things I have done with my day. After each of these instances, I looked around and asked myself the question “Where is my coffee, dammit?”
Said coffee was in the microwave, cold, ready to be reheated… again. And allowed to cool… again. Story. Of. My. Life. I’m fairly confident that I reheated my coffe at least 5 times today and I ended up consuming approximately 3/4 of the coffee itself.
After a day like today, there is no combating the FACT that motherhood is a literal shitshow and as a mom, YOU are the ringmaster. THESE ARE YOUR MONKEYS.
But at the end of today, I got hugs. I got a “sorry” for the crabby behavior. I got to check homework that had ALL CORRECT answers and that shows me my kid is doing his job. I got to hear about their day and all of the positives that go with it. I heard big kids reading and tiny kids telling me bedtime stories. I had tiny hands grab my face and give me tiny kisses and snuggles.
So in a nutshell, my coffee getting cold is worth it.
The shitshow is worth it.
All in a days work, Y’all.